The whole idea of conceptual art has been a challenge for me. I am much more comfortable copying a technique and moving out from there. I guess that is my learning style. With classes taught at UTA, self exploration was key in two of my classes, Drawing Concepts and Sculpture. I like pressing into the unknown, but for a grade? That’s another story. It turns out I got the grade I wanted, but the process projected me into a place I did not excel in. This place of operating out of my inner self.
Most of my life the goal is to copy a standard of excellence. I am very good at copying others. I can be an excellent housekeeper. I can be a excellent employee. I can be an excellent wife. I can be an excellent dressmaker. But all of these things ended up without the satisfaction that left me wanting more; which is why I went to college in the first place.
So going back to conceptual art, the question of what art is and what has been explored before me put a huge burden on my ego. How could I excel if I am just beginning? There are really “no rules”, except the idea of creating something new. Where does “new” come from? These questions led me farther into myself. Whatever I created had to come from me. Whatever I created had to be excellent to me. This idea was a paradigm shift; my standard of excellence moved from an outside force to an inner force.
So what else do I hold within myself? My emotions; my beliefs about myself; my hopes and fears and how they relate to my actions. Suddenly, I became relevant. What? Am I relevant? Am I living in a relevant way? Or am I just moving through life inspired by others expectations for me?
If I am relevant, them I am able to respond.
That makes me responsible.
Responsible to whom?
Responsible to myself.
This leads me back to the question, who am I?
Now the journey begins: